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June 28, 2016

Dear (smokin’ hot) Wife,

By Annie Garman

Following my last post, I interviewed a church planter to find out what kinds of things he would say to his wife if he were to write a similar letter. Maybe some of it will resonate with you. Maybe not. But at the very least, perhaps this letter will be a springboard for you to share your thoughts with your wife wherever you’re at in ministry.

Dear (smokin’ hot) wife,

Here are some things I want you to know as we go about this work of planting a church:

  1. I want to love my family well.

There will be times during this church planting journey that you’ll struggle to believe that. Don’t give in to the lies. Resist them. I know that in the fog of war, it’s hard to see straight. In those times, just trust my love and commitment to you.

Sure, there may be times that I need help recalibrating my priorities. Figuring out how to do this balancing act is not simple or easy. Remember, it’s like I’m starting a new organization. I’m still trying to figure out my role. At the same time, I’m still learning how to be your husband. It’s all unpredictable terrain, so I won’t always know how to navigate it. Have patience and grace with me as I try to learn.  

  1. I want you to care about the church as much as I do.

Very few people will come close to caring about it as much as I do. That’s a lonely experience. Granted, there could be unhealthy ways that I could care too much about the success of the church for my own identity. I don’t mean that. What I mean is that I want us both to lead our family to live a life of sustainable sacrifice for the Lord’s work. My deep desire is for this to be something we do together for the sake of the gospel.

  1. I want you to care as much as I do, but you don’t need to bear the same weight as I do.

I will have heightened responsibilities that go beyond other members of the church. You don’t need to feel the pressure to be anything more than a faithful church member. Find your gifts and passion, and simply use them for the furtherance of the gospel at church. Don’t let other people’s expectations of you define your contribution to the church.

  1. Loving me well IS a huge contribution to the church.

Your love gives me the fuel I need for what God has called me to. There are many ways to serve our church plant, but one of the most important things you can do is encourage me in my role. Please don’t withhold your love and support from me…even on days where I haven’t earned it.

  1. I don’t want to be successful without you.

The truth is, I probably can’t be successful without you…but even if I could, I wouldn’t want to be.Your ideas and insights are not just welcome, but needed. I probably can’t execute all your good ideas, but somebody should. Don’t neglect to use your gifts and insight for the kingdom of God.

I love you and am thankful for you more than you can know,

Your church planter husband

Here’s a humorous take on the “smokin’ hot wife” debate, from Barnabas Piper.



Annie Garman

Annie B. Garman is a pastor’s wife and mother to four excitable girls, and author of Unexpected Grace: When Your Child is Born With Half a Heart. She and her family serve at Pillar Church in Northern Virginia where the traffic is thick, but the church planting opportunities abound. Their network of churches is attempting to plant a reproducible gospel-centered church at every Marine Corps base around the world (praetorianproject.org). Her biggest passion is to know Christ and make Him known in whatever situation she finds herself in. Annie shares her thoughts on motherhood, mayhem, and the meaning of life at anniebgarman.com.


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