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December 3, 2016

Four Consistent Conversations We Must Have With Ourselves

By Shawn Lovejoy

Self assessment, self awareness, and daily repentance are all  necessary to become what God wants us to become as Christians and Christian leaders. One of the most important forms of conversation we can have is what psychologists call “self-talk.” We need to have critical consistent conversations with ourselves that allow God to examine our hearts, motives, and actions. Here are four consistent conversations we need to have with ourselves: 

“ME” Conversations

The most difficult person I will ever lead is myself. These days few of us slow down long enough to ask themselves: “How am I doing? Really?” Am I healthy? Am I disciplined? Am I focused? Am I learning? Am I growing? Am I at peace? I should not feel guilty about planning time to work on me. This is why I must lead myself first. I must be relentless about blocking off time to work on my own personal spiritual, leadership, and even physical growth and health. Each day we should be asking ourselves: “Am I leading myself first?”

Marriage Conversations

Every leader needs to have consistent conversations with themselves as well as their spouses, about the most important relationship and ministry in our lives: our marriages! We should take time consistently to ask ourselves: Are we partners or are we simply cohabitating and coexisting? Are we partnering together at work and at home?  How are we fostering intimacy and friendship? If we finish the race without our spouse, we simply don’t finish well. Consistently we should be asking ourselves (and our spouse): “On a scale of 1-10, how are we doing? What would it take to move it up a notch?”

Vision & Mission Conversations

Without a vision people perish. In my book Be Mean About The Vision I say that “If we forget why we do what we do we will eventually lose our passion.”  We all know vision leaks, but did you know it leaks fastest in leaders? The most important question we can ask ourselves every day is WHY. Daily we should ask ourselves questions like: “Why is this important?” “Why do I want to do this?” “Why do I want to grow this?” “Why does this make me anxious?”

The word mission means to “be sent.” It’s one thing to talk about the Great Commission. It’s quite another thing to live it out. Daily we should ask ourselves: “Do I simply believe in the Great Commission, or am I living it out personally?”

Stewardship Conversations

If we are faithful where we are, God might entrust us with more! Sometimes we get so caught up in our “What’s next?” games that we forget to work on our  “What Now?” game! Are we being faithful with what we have? Are we becoming more fruitful where we are? Are we being a good steward of the people and resources we’ve already been given! God will never trust us with more than we can handle. If we want God to entrust us with more, we need to be more faithful with what we have! A good steward is a faithful manager. Daily we should ask ourselves: “Am I being faithful where I am and with what I have now?”


Shawn Lovejoy

Shawn Lovejoy is Founder & CEO of CourageToLead.com. They facilitate leadership growth and organizational health for leaders through executive coaching and organizational consulting. Shawn has been a successful real estate developer, a church planter, megachurch pastor, and now leads a fast growing coaching and consulting organization. Shawn is the author of three books, most recentlyMeasuring Success: Your Path To Significance, Satisfaction, & Leading Yourself To The Next Level. Shawn has been married for 25 years to his best friend Tricia and they have three children: Hannah, Madison, & Paul. They all live in Trussville, AL, a suburb of Birmingham.


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