Article
The Church Planter’s Relationships: Building a Strong Foundation for Ministry
If we want to see healthy, multiplying churches planted, we need relationally healthy planters.
When I first began seminary, I eagerly flipped through the course catalog, excited to dive into theology and biblical studies. But one course puzzled me—Interpersonal Relationship Skills. Why would a future pastor need a class on relationships? Shouldn’t theology and preaching be enough?
Then, I learned why the course existed. Many seminary graduates were struggling in ministry—not because of weak theology or poor preaching, but because they failed to cultivate and maintain healthy relationships.
Ministry is people work. You can love the idea of the church, but loving real people in the church is an entirely different challenge. If we want to see healthy, multiplying churches planted, we need relationally healthy planters.
Cultivating Healthy Relationships as a Church Planter
Relationships are not just an afterthought in ministry; they are central to the life of a church planter. The Apostle Paul gives us a powerful framework for gospel-shaped relationships in Romans 12:9-21, which can be broken into six key qualities every church planter should embody:
1. Love and Honor: The Foundation of Relationships
Paul writes, “Let love be genuine” (Romans 12:9). Love must be more than words—it must be sincere. As church planters, we must resist the temptation to see people as numbers or stepping stones. Instead, we must love them as Christ does.
Additionally, Paul urges us to “outdo one another in showing honor” (Romans 12:10). This means celebrating and valuing those we serve. Charles Spurgeon once said, “I love a minister whose face invites me to make him my friend.” May we be leaders who radiate warmth and honor others.
2. Passion and Perseverance: Leading with Zeal
Paul commands, “Do not be slothful in zeal, be fervent in spirit, serve the Lord” (Romans 12:11). Ministry requires passion, but also perseverance.
Romans 12:12 is a key verse for endurance: “Rejoice in hope, be patient in tribulation, be constant in prayer.” Church planting is hard. Without joy in Christ and a commitment to prayer, perseverance will be impossible.
3. Generosity and Hospitality: Opening Your Life to Others
A church planter must be known for generosity, not greed. As leaders, we are to set an example of cheerful giving, remembering that our God is the ultimate giver.
Additionally, hospitality is essential. Paul writes, “Contribute to the needs of the saints and seek to show hospitality” (Romans 12:13). Hospitality is a requirement for pastoral ministry (1 Timothy 3:2). If we don’t welcome others into our homes, churches, and lives, we are missing a crucial aspect of leadership.
4. Rejoicing and Weeping: Ministry of the Heart
Paul calls us to “Rejoice with those who rejoice, weep with those who weep” (Romans 12:15). Many leaders have a ministry of truth, but not a ministry of tears. Jesus displayed both. He brought words of life and wept at Lazarus’ tomb.
Church planters must cultivate an integrated ministry—one that engages both the mind and the heart. We need deep theology and deep empathy.
5. Harmony and Humility: Leading with Unity
Paul exhorts believers, “Live in harmony with one another. Do not be haughty, but associate with the lowly” (Romans 12:16). Unity is not just an absence of strife—it is the presence of love, respect, and shared purpose.
For a church to thrive, its planter must embody humility. True humility allows us to engage with all people, not just those who seem important. It fosters a culture where everyone belongs.
6. Goodness and Peacemaking: Responding with Grace
Paul echoes Jesus’ teaching on enemies: “Bless those who persecute you” (Romans 12:14). As church planters, we will face opposition, but we are called to respond with grace.
In ministry, opportunities for conflict abound. But instead of retaliating, we must commit to peacemaking. Paul instructs us: “If possible, so far as it depends on you, live peaceably with all” (Romans 12:18). A leader marked by grace and peace will create a church culture that reflects Christ.
Strengthening Key Relationships
Beyond general relational health, church planters must prioritize specific relationships that sustain them in ministry.
1. Marriage and Family: Your First Ministry
For those who are married, a thriving ministry starts at home. A weak marriage will lead to a weak ministry. Pursuing your spouse, prioritizing family time, and cultivating a joyful home are not distractions from ministry—they are essential to it.
Paul reminds us that marriage is a picture of Christ’s love for the church (Ephesians 5:25-32). If we want to lead well in the church, we must first lead well at home.
2. Friendships and Brotherhood: Fighting Isolation
Ministry can be lonely. Many leaders burn out because they lack true friendships. We need Christian brothers and sisters who:
- Encourage us in the faith
- Hold us accountable
- Walk with us through trials
Seek out friendships with fellow pastors and church planters. Engage in a network that supports you. Isolation is dangerous—don’t try to do ministry alone.
3. Collaboration with Others: Kingdom Partnerships
Church planters must resist a territorial mindset. We are not in competition with other churches—we are on the same mission. Partnering with like-minded leaders strengthens the work of the gospel in your city.
Find ways to collaborate with others in your community. A network of planters provides support, wisdom, and encouragement for the road ahead.
Lead with Love
Church planting is not just about launching services or structuring ministries—it’s about people. Healthy relationships are essential to lasting, effective ministry.
To be a relationally healthy church planter, you must:
- Love and honor others with sincerity
- Lead with passion and perseverance
- Model generosity and hospitality
- Engage both heart and mind in ministry
- Pursue unity and humility
- Respond to opposition with grace
Relationships matter—in the home, in the church, and beyond. As we seek to plant churches that thrive, let’s prioritize relational health in our own lives.
If you want to grow in these essential areas, check out our Nine Essentials of a Church Planter course. Let’s build churches where both leaders and members flourish in gospel-shaped relationships.
